So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize