I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
we're so committed to being not committed
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
