I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
