it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
