i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
