I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
