she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize