my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
this just has baby written all over it
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
