Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
