What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
