After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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