I have demons in me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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