Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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