Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
