May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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