mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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