***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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