I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
