Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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