i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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