my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
