i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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