I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize