why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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