I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
