just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
