You're completely useless in the revolution.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
