i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
