She is in my trunk
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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