So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Let's paint friendship bongs
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize