I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
oh god the rape fog is back!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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