dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize