My Higher Power is John Stamos
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Text me some of your sweat
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