Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
