just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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