hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
