they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize