what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
