i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I need to calm my uterus...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
