woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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