I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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