no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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