you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
