Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
