How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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