Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
