im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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