I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize