You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
