i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
