It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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