five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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