I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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