He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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