We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
