White coat. Heels.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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