There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
