I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
