I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Randomize
