We won't sleep together?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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