He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
