i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
