toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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