Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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