There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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