I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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