i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
