allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
