captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
