peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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