Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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