whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize