I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
