Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
