1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
