I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
