I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
