If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize