We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
