And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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