I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
