Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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