Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
