420 ftw
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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